Honesty 101

"Honesty is the Best Policy"

Really, is it really the Best policy??

Have you ever been feel offended when someone says things honestly to you?
Have someone says that they're insulted when you express your honest feeling towards them?

And then that honest person or you defend himself/yourself with this statement :

"what? it's the truth / i'm just being honest + deal with it / you shouldn't be mad about it / it's for your own good / etc"

If it's really is the best policy, why there are many conflict arise when someone told someone else about the truth??

Several weeks ago,  i came to a Pecha Kucha even in Ubud. When i'm watching trough this amazing people and their amazing presentation, there's an equation that's really sticking into my brain. That equation is :

Honesty - Caring = Mean

That statement just slapped me in the face. Because i considered myself to be a quite blunt person sometimes, that says many honest feeling to the people around me. But i don't care about how other people's feeling when i say the truth to them. I always assume that they would hear me no matter how they're feeling because its for their own good.

But i realize that "it's not about what you're gonna say, it's about how and why you say it". By realizing this, you can maximize the impact on other people when you're gonna say your honest feeling.

First you need to asked yourself, is it really the fact or it's just your opinion? if it's just an opinion, can you keep it to yourself and not compromising other people feeling? Why do you want to say the truth? is it for your personal satisfaction? revenge? or that person really need to realize that and change himself?  you gotta have a good reason before you said something that you considered "honest". Telling something honest (hurtful) because your own personal satisfaction is just selfish.

Then you need to think how would you said it. When you're saying something to someone in a wrong way. The impact would be negative, they could ignore your suggestion or statement, and even resent you for it. That's why honesty - caring = mean. You need to add some "care" in how you delivered the statement. Try to see from his point of view and think how would you like being told about what you're gonna say. Sometimes there's no easy way to told honest feeling, just choose the best way.

Without any caring in your honesty it just become a vain attempt to make something better, it can even make something worse. Which is the opposite of what you want.

Be Honest, but handle your honesty with care